Friday, April 17, 2009

Doing well for oneself...

This post is an older draft that I feel is still applicable and true in content and though the context is a bit outdated in the last paragraph, I feel that the post as a whole communicates something of personal value to me.
By the by....I would like to perfect my writing and would welcome specific editing comments. I moved around a lot during the years in school where people were studying grammar rules and basic math....so I have some holes!


What can it mean to discover compassion and forgiveness in the midst of a traumatic event? We have all known people who through the hardest of circumstances have maintained a sense of self worth and arrived on the other side of the trauma unscathed. When we internalize the trauma, it seems to leave a mark, serving as a pulsing point of attraction drawing the likeness of the event to us again and again. We are damned to repeat this trauma until we relieve it from our systems. The thing that seems tricky, is that the trauma blends itself into our lives and ourselves, making it nearly impossible to discern where the mark's boundaries are. We then roll on with our lives, piling more and more atop of the original wound, interweaving it with our choices of who and what we want to be. When we discern our emotive response and heal as we experience something that could be considered traumatic, we learn from our experiences and alter our resonses to future events. Intellectual understanding of a root wound can be constructive to the process of approaching clarity and discernment, yet can also trap a person in many years of actvily drawing attention to a locked pattern rather than actually unlocking it. I have found through doing reiki (a hands on healing art) that many people are released from talk therapy, yet they are still carrying the hurt of the wound. They understand entirely what happened, and what triggers them into relapsing into old behaviors, yet cannot discern where the pain should go to move forward. The pain is conditioned into the person, blended. There is a standard set at this point in a healing process that in essence says that "I expect and therefore deserve pain". This is not to discredit or slander the name and work of Psychotherapists. I very much value the importance of the work that is accomplished through this modality. The work that psychotherapists accomplish is a good foundation for the integrative process. We come in layers.

Unto the title of doing well for oneself...

I have recently emerged from an integrative year of healing work and personal practice. I recently moved back from Providence, where I originally moved to be closer to a man I thought I was going to marry. what I discovered is that I moved there to be closer with myself. I found myself vibrant and well, building a dream that I am now living out. I have had a number of experiences that one may consider to be traumatic in my life, and though I remained mostly intact, I was a bit overwhelmed! In solitude I found a wellspring of faith and an astute abilty to find joy in my everyday life. I have been telling my story for so many years, rehashing the terms and experiences that I couldn't see that I was setting myself up for the pain to be relived. Once I stopped telling my story and overintellectualizing my pain, I found where it was living.

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