Tale of the death rattle

I entered an Interfaith Ministry program which started a few days ago with opening weekend and more officially the first class was on Tuesday. I take great pleasure in forming new acquaintance and bonds, and I especially have been looking forward to forming a new circle of friends that are of like mind concerning not only ethical balance within spiritual and therefore political realms, but also intimate awareness and consideration of the Divine. I have found that much of what I was hoping for is there. I have to say that entrance and initiation into these circles causes such a stir in so many unknown places within a body, that a strange gurgling can be heard emerging from deep chambers. A death rattle. A surrendering of the accumulative residue that happens when one is only beginning to follow a call. Lets say for now that the rattle is causing a well of tears and a need to write about those tears! I am mourning a loss of parts of myself. I am mourning all that I have had to overcome to accept this challenge, this Being Present business! More present than keeping your eyes open all the time, which is the variety I prided myself on before slaying myself before my own alter as a sacrifice! I am finding that there are so many varieties of honesty! It's not enough to just say what and how you feel to others or yourself! I am finding for myself that I need to breath honesty into all of my actions and responses. I am looking to stop looking into, and start receiving the Gift! It looks like so many things! It looks right now like a dance to the music of the death rattle! A sweet song is slowly emerging from my guts, from the ignored corners of my processing organs, from the parts that are only now beginning to see the light of my new day! I am grateful and I am in pain for these new revelations! I am having to give up so much of how I thought I wanted to be in this world, and yet I am not surprised. Following a call requires a walk through your own fires for cleansing, a test. This test is contrary to what might be believed, is solely for yourself. A means to get to your own ends, or at least more means. You do what is Needed for your own salvation and there is no mistaking it. I have heard this call, this need for mourning and shedding for so long it seems ludicrous that it was partially ignored! But everything that has lead me to the point I am now makes a sort of sense of it. I have a great foundation right now, where in other times in my life I did not. Far from it! I am ready and a total fool for God! For Life itself. Lets see where it goes from here, shall we?

until again.