The Test: part one

In my last post I spoke of a test. A test of fire of your own making. I have a knowing that I will be writing a few entries about this particular thread, so I have named this post in parts.

In the week following my first class at the Interfaith Seminary I have found a couple of pink elephants! Giant billowing reminders of How I Am, that seem to me now that they have always been there, telling me the things I can now hear.

Let me start with the Vow that I made to my new community.

I Vow

to Surrender myself

Wholly and with Compassion

to what I find to be true about Who I Am.

Tests of authenticity are unequivocal and undeniable. I have found a little of Jonah in myself. I have run away from a call to find myself in the belly of a whale, covered in a slime that takes longer to clean up than if I had just listened to the call to begin with. I am looking at that filmy cover now and appreciating Who I Have Been. Appreciation is my best solvent!

Back to the test...

In the last week people that I know and love and some that I don't know at all really, have just blurted out some things. Brief statements of personal belief and position. Some of these statements have greatly disturbed me! Shook something up in my chest and asked for a response. I found myself at first a little defensive...which Almost seems like a good thing. I wanted to protect my ideals as if they were an extension of my own flesh. After this had happened a couple of times, I found the real nugget. By going through this program I am setting myself up in a way to submit my personal statements and beliefs to the global pool, and let them live there. See what happens in contrast to them. Stay present to them and be Truthful about them even in moments of friction. See how they stand up in a storm.

How flexible will I be if I find that they crumble? How true to them will I be if they withstand Hell? What conditions gave permission for these ideals and personal truths to develop? Are they serving or hindering me and my path? How am I going to find any of the answers to these questions?

Fierce diligence to be present

and a deepening of personal practice.

Not being afraid of a little testing of structural integrity. Finding a stud in the wall reminds me that there is something underneath the plaster.

I am not interested in being Holy, or having good ideas. I am in it for the mastery. I want to know if what I have going on is going to make it through my own storms. I want to encourage others to know that this process is worth it, and that means that I have to go through with it Wholly and with Compassion and get to a place where I trust Who I Am.